So the pain I was having after getting the pessary put in was it slipping out of place. Called the doctor the next monring, and went in for a hellish experience when he tried to put in a different doughnut-shaped one. It wouldn't go in and I ended up in tears from the pain. So he tried yet another different one - more of just a ring - and is ordering smaller doughnut ones. That one didn't last either and by that evening it had also slipped out of place. Since he didn't have any other kinds in, I spent the week just taking it easy and waiting for the new ones to arrive. They came in yesterday so I went back in again for yet another hellish experience that ended in pain, blood and tears but a pessary that is in there and hasn't moved since. (The blood was from him having to jam it in me and tearing my episiotomy stitches a bit. Yeah - ow.)

I was in quite a bit of pain all day yesterday but this morning, I woke up feeling great! I'd asked the doctor if I needed to take it easy and he said no, so since I felt up to it, I've been quite productive! I cleaned my kitchen, did laundry, researched detergent for our cloth diapers, cleaned out my car (wiped down the inside and vacuumed!), took out and replaced Kasen's car seat base with the new one we had to order because the first one broke when we went to install it. I made me a healthy lunch and am finishing that up now and then plan on doing something... don't know what yet. It's gorgeous outside but rather warm so I think I'll do some inside projects until it cools down.

Oh, and the past two times we've tried to breastfeed have been successful! He still doesn't quite latch on right to the left breast, but he's getting there. I'm also working on training my body to not make as much breastmilk at night so I don't have to pump in the middle of the night. That's going well too as I've noticed that I can go about 6-8 hours without pumping and when I wake up my boobs aren't nearly as engorged as they had been getting when I'd tried to go that long before.

I'm also 5 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight; 9 pounds from my pre-IVF weight! I'm glad that the doctor had me do a low-carb diet even though I only stuck with it during the first trimester. I think it helped me to keep my weight gain in check. I haven't done any form of exercising and have actually been eating pretty unhealthy food lately, but it just keeps coming off. (I know you hate me. Sorry!) I do need to start eating better though because I am prone to weight gain and really don't want to get into the habit of eating crap all the time as that will surely bite me in the arse later... especially when I stop breastfeeding!

Yep - Stage 2 Prolapsed Uterus. Awesome.

I went to the doctor first thing this morning and he said that it happens quite a bit. We're going to use a device called a pessary for a month or two and see how that helps. He pushed my uterus/cervix back up (ow) using the pessary which is a 3 1/2 inch diaphragm-looking thing that he then left there. It basically cups the cervix and pushes against the vaginal walls to hold everything in place. Over the next month, my muscles and ligaments should start getting stronger and hopefully when we take it out, everything will stay in place. I go back in 3 weeks for my 6-week post-partum check up so we'll check it then. Unfortunately, it hurt like woah and is still painful but he said my body will adjust to it and in a few days, I shouldn't even notice it's there. I've noticed the pain isn't too bad as long as I keep up on the Ibuprofen and stay off my feet.

If for some reason this doesn't work, I will have to have surgery to keep it in place and any future pregnancies - if we are so blessed - will have to be delivered by c-section. (Which after everything I went through with this delivery, seems like a grand thing anyway.) Worst case scenario is a hysterectomy but I'm nowhere near needing that at this point - thank God!

And to follow up on my breastfeeding woes...

Apparently my nipples aren't appropriate for breastfeeding. I've seen lactation consultants, tried nipple guards, nipple shields, pumping before feeding to get the milk flowing and to get the nipples to stand out, different positions, anything and everything they suggest and we just aren't having any luck. It's been three weeks and Kasen's to the point now that if he even smells my boob coming at him he slams his mouth closed, gets a way-pissed-off look on his face and starts protesting. (Which, is actually kind of funny because it includes lots of huffs and snorts.) If I do get a wide open mouth, the moment the nipple touches it, he starts wailing. A crying, upset baby does not make breastfeeding possible. We have had random moments of latching that last for a minute or less and end in the wailing, but even then he's just not latching on correctly. He's all about the nipple only and not the areola... which is part of the reason I ended up taking five days off recently from even trying. My poor nipples were cracked and starting to bleed a bit. I couldn't even have water touching them in the shower because they hurt so bad. It got to the point that whenever we tried, I'd get a splitting headache and my eyes would start watering because it hurt so badly.

So yeah. I'm not ready to say I give up completely, but I feel it coming on. It just stresses us both out so much, ends in failure every time and I've got enough other painful health issues that I'm dealing with as it is. I'll just be a pumper for the next year and give him bottles... which actually isn't a bad thing because others can help me feed him and the doctor said babies actually eat more from a bottle because it's easier. More food equals more sleep so score one there!

I'm definitely not having supply issues. When I pump every 4 hours or so, I'm getting anywhere from 8-10 ounces each time. (Actually... I just pumped and realized that I got almost 12 ounces!) Kasen's already eating about 4-6 ounces at each feeding so needless to say, I've got a freezer stash already built up!

Yep... saw my uterus today. Actually, I think it's my cervix but either way it's not where it's supposed to be.

I'd noticed that since Kasen's birth, whenever I coughed or sneezed I could feel something in my vagina. I thought it was just the vaginal tissue swelled up and didn't think much of it. I did notice yesterday that sitting on the couch was rather uncomfortable and thought that was strange. Then this morning, I took a shower and while washing down there, I noticed something bulging at the opening. I pushed and it went back up only to pop back down when I let go.

Got out of the shower and grabbed a handheld mirror and sure enough, there's my cervix all blocking the vaginal opening. It's not hanging out, but I can feel it when I walk and sit.

Lovely. I have a prolapsed uterus!

Called the doctor's answering service and had him call me. He told me to push it back in and put in a super plus tampon to keep it in place and come in first thing in the morning.

I did the tampon thing and am now in a bit of pain. It's very uncomfortable and on top of that, the uterus/cervix keeps trying to push it out, which is highly annoying and adds more uncomfortableness. (is that a word?)

Per Dr. Google, I think it's a second degree prolapse (out of four degrees) so hopefully there's a rather easy fix to this. Worst case scenario is a hysterectomy and I don't really even want to have to think about that right now.

:::sigh:::

Seriously, I feel like my body is trying to tell me that it's not cut out for this whole having a baby thing. Getting pregnant was awful, pregnancy itself was rather easy until the end, labor was rather easy as well, but then delivery sucked with the hemorrhaging, my nipples are not cut out for breastfeeding, I got PUPPP and now this.

It's official: I have The PUPPP.

Man, does it suck. Or itch rather.

Apparently, I'm one of those rare cases where it starts after the baby is born instead of during the third trimester and clearing up after delivery. It started on my stretch marks and itched like crazy but I thought maybe it was just the stretch marks themselves... until the bumps appeared. I found that odd, read about PUPPP but didn't have it anywhere else so I kind of blew it off. A week later it had spread to my legs but looked like mosquito bites. I started thinking maybe we had bed bugs or something and then next thing I knew it was on my arms, my feet and my chest. I'd been using Benadryl and Cortizone 10 but they weren't truly helping. And then I woke up one morning and I had scratched so much I was bleeding and noticed some new bumps on my arse and some developing on my boobs. That was it. I went to the Urgent Care Center and got myself some steroids and prescription-strength hydrocortisone cream, as well as some Claritan at the pharmacy. I'm already feeling better, though am still incredibly itchy towards the time when I'm due for the next dose(s) or get too hot. Cool showers are my friend.

I also believe it's official that Kasen does not like my boobs. I took about five days off from breastfeeding to let my poor nipples heal. They are doing much better now but as soon as I whip out the boob and offer it to him, he gets so pissed. He practically refuses to open his mouth and when I do get a "yawn" and shove it in there, he immediately clamps down and starts to wail. About 50% of the time I try with the right one, he'll latch on for like a minute then get pissed. Poor leftie doesn't get any love... I have yet to get him to latch onto that one for some reason. A friend had her baby on Friday so tomorrow we're going to go visit them and I'm going to hit the lactation consutlants at the hospital while we're there. They also have a monthly breastfeeding support group that's this Wednesday that I'm thinking of going to as well. We'll see what they say... I've tried the nipple guards, nipple shields, pumping for a few minutes before trying to feed... all failures. :( I don't mind just pumping and giving him a bottle, but I really wanted the ease of being able to nurse on the go. :::sigh:::

What else have we been up to...

I've given Kasen two manicures so far. The first time before I made the first clip, I literally had a hot flash and started sweating, I was so terrified of cutting him! But, I prevailed and all went well. :)

He's outgrowing some of his newborn onesies already and we had to remove the extra padding for his head from the carseat the first time we used it after being home. He was only like a week old! I'm anxious for his next doctor's appointment to see how much he's grown. I can tell a huge difference... his hands look ginormous!

I pissed him off last night. I spent two hours trying to get him to burp and comforting him thinking he had gas. He'd scream, we'd switch positions, he'd calm down for a minute only to start screaming again, I'd give him the bottle, he'd suck for a minute then start screaming again, we'd try burping again, etc. This went on for like two hours before I realized that the amount in the bottle wasn't going anywhere. The nipple was plugged! Poor little guy was starving. I switched nipples and he was a happy camper, gulping down food like no tomorrow. He then stayed up for awhile playing with Daddy before falling asleep for four hours straight. I have yet to figure out why that one nipple suddenly isn't working. It doesn't look like there's anything blocking it. Maybe it's one I washed in the dishwasher and it got too hot and melted a bit? I have no clue.

The Boy goes back to work tonight. I'm a bit scared about it, considering these past three weeks we've both been getting decent stretches of sleep because we take turns at night. The other night, he stayed up until 5 a.m. to start trying to readjust to working midnights again. I had gone to bed at 11 p.m. and Kasen didn't get up again until 7 a.m... it was amazing. I tend to get grumpy when I'm sleep deprived and honestly, this has always been my biggest worry about having kids... we'll see how I do tonight! At least The Boy is absolutely in love with Kasen and super supportive so he'll be itching to take over when he gets home at 8 a.m. No matter how little I've slept, I know once he gets home, I'll be able to get some uninterrupted sleep until he has to go to bed... which should be by 2 p.m. but usually isn't until 3 or 4 p.m.

Because my other blog has our rare last name in the web address (no idea why I made it that way...), I've decided to close that one and open a new one for family and friends that is invite only. I'm just a bit sketched out about people being able to search and find us. I'm going to use that one for pictures as well so if you want to see them, contact me and if I "know" you, I'll send you the link and invitation.

My late fiance's mom is... strange. I won't get into all of it, but just trust me. She's weird and everyone agrees. Even her granddaughter at the age of like 4, once looked at me, made a circle with her hand at the side of her head, and said "Grandma has rocks in her head." Yes, sweetie. Yes, she does.

Anyway, I may have mentioned awhile ago how The Boy put his foot down with her after a huge argument between her and my mom over her crossing boundaries and asking to be considered Kasen's grandma. There's tons of backstory to this, but again, not getting into it.

As Kasen's due date approached, she started calling me and e-mailing me more often... giving me totally unwanted and outdated advice and basically slowly crossing boundaries again.

The best though came the other day. She called and was all "How are you? How's the baby?" Both said totally dramatically like we were sitting at home dying. I was all, "Um, we're fine..." She asked how breastfeeding was going and I told her that it was going okay and then the following cringe-worthy conversation took place:

Her: "Now, you know, if you get too engorged and you can't get him to eat enough to find relief, that's where The Boy comes in."

Me: "Um... how? You mean he can help massage them?"

Her: "No, he can suck them for you."

Me: ...

Her: "My husband did it for me all of the time. It was the only way I could be comfortable."

Me: ...

:::now picturing her husband suckling at her breast:::

Me: "Um, well, I've got to go. I have guests that are waiting on me to say goodbye so they can leave."

:::pukes in mouth a little:::

Now, okay, I can see 30 years ago when there probably weren't double electric breast pumps available that yeah, if you're in enough pain you very well may beg your husband to help you. But that was 30 years ago and things have changed and now whenever I pump or breastfeed I picture her and her husband and... :::pukes in mouth a lot:::

I blame the initial bump on the staff at the hospital.

The first night, Kasen was latching on, albeit a little poorly. He was learning, I was learning, so I wasn't that concerned. It was happening, just not for long periods of time. In the back of my mind, I knew that they came out completely full and he wouldn't be starving anytime soon. In comes the nurse completely freaked out and insisting he take a bottle because ohmygodhesgoingtogetdehydrated and if she doesn't make sure he doesn't get dehydrated she'll get in trouble. Instead of calling a lactation consultant in at that point to see if they could help, they talked me - drugged up and delirious from lack of sleep and blood loss - into just giving him a bottle.

Being brain dead (seriously - I couldn't think clearly at all) it wasn't until the next afternoon that I asked for a lactation consultant to come in. Sure enough, she said my nipples weren't protruding enough for him to latch on properly and gave me these nipple guard things to wear between feedings to help pull the nips out. Alrighty then!

The next day, we were still having latching issues and that night my milk came in. I argued with the nurse on duty at that time over the phone at 3 a.m. that I was incredibly engorged and could she PLEASE bring me some ice packs so I could get some relief until the next morning when I could get a breast pump from lactation. She totally didn't believe that my milk had come in and insisted on coming to my room and feeling me up first to confirm it. I may never have had a baby before, but there is no mistaking when your milk comes in. The boobs were hard as rocks, hot as hell and hurt like the dickens! The Boy ended up getting me the ice packs. :::sigh:::

Anyway, the next day I got a breast pump and oh sweet relief! That evening I realized that the nipple guard things weren't really doing the trick so the next morning I asked for lactation to come in again. This time they gave me a nipple shield and voila! He latched on right away and went to town. I thought all of my worries were over and things would go smoothly from there. The consultant vaguely mentioned weaning him off of it and out the door she went, shortly followed by us heading home.

A week later with hit and miss latches without the shield, I start noticing that HOLY SHIT my nipples HURT and hmmm... is that a crater on one? Woah, there's another. Hmm... is that what they mean by "cracked nipples"?

It got to the point where when he would latch on, it would hurt so badly that I would literally get tears in my eyes and a headache from the pain. Needless to say, I really started dreading even trying to breastfeed.

That's when it hit me... um, this nipple shield thing, while working for Kasen, is totally not working for me as he's ONLY grabbing ahold of the nipple, which is totally wrong! (Again, brain dead from lack of sleep and blood loss, it took me this long to realize this. I'm just now feeling like my smarter self again.) He should be grabbing ahold of most of the areola. My poor nipples!

I hop online and do some research and sure enough... the nipple sheilds are only supposed to be for short term use and used only during the first five minutes of each feeding to get the milk flowing and the nipple pulled out before trying to get the baby to latch on. He's been sucking extra hard on only the nipples to get any milk out!

Awesome. :/

So I'm giving up breastfeeding for a couple of days to let my poor nips heal. I'm pumping every four hours or so, dribbling breast milk on the nipples (antibacterial properties in it) and letting them air dry then applying lanolin. Come Sunday, if they're healed enough, I'm going to pump for a minute or so to draw the nipple out and get the milk flowing and then try to get him to latch on - without the evil nipple shield.

So I'm sitting at the desk with a BABY on my lap curled around me in his boppy and making grunting noises because pooping is his hobby.

I haven't had a chance to document anything besides the birth story, although I have done some picture taking. This past week since we have been home has been hectic and yesterday was our first day with just the three of us. We decided to turn down any visitor requests and just chilled all day. I'm considering doing this again today even.

The Boy is now realizing why I laughed at him when he said he'd get all sorts of projects done while he was off these three weeks. Riiight. He can barely tear himself away from staring at the little one, though yesterday he did make a diaper run and sprayed some weeds in the garden.

The Boy's parents arrived from Nebraska on Thursday and left Monday morning. It was great having them here and I love that they got to see Kasen while he was so young. They'll probably be back in about six months or so and he'll be a completely different child by then. I had built up a small stash of breast milk so they were able to do some feedings, which they jumped at, as well as diaper changes. (The best being right before they left which involved projectile pooping and our filing cabinet. I told them it was his going away present for them. Priceless.) They also helped around the house, basically completely weeded our garden (score!) and got some windows in each room to open. (They are all broken - fun!)

Pumping is going smoothly because I am a milk machine and am not lacking in the supply department,but feeding is going so-so due to some nipple issues. They gave me a nipple shield on the last day at the hospital and we finally got Kasen to latch on with no issues. He's able to latch on without it but gets frustrated and holy hell it hurts. I believe it hurts so badly now because with the nipple sheild, he's really just latching on to the nipple, not the areola at all so my poor nips are getting quite the workout. Even with the shield they hurt, but without it, him latching on literally brings tears to my eyes because it hurts so badly. I'm hoping this will pass, but am in the process of hunting down a local La Leche League group. I can always go back to the hospital as well because they have lactation support available.


So, some quick random little things about Kasen that I want documented so I don't forget:

-He snorts! When he's angry and frustrated and just can't quite find that nipple, he does the little head shake/search thing that most babies do, but includes these frustrated little grunts and throws in a snort here and there. I want to capture it on video so badly, but have yet to be successful at that.

-He loooooves his daddy. Just like when he was still in the womb, whenever The Boy walks up and says anything, he gets real still and calms down. The cutest is when he talks to him and his eyes get great big as he's listening. He doesn't do this with anyone else.

-He looks just like The Boy did as a baby. This surprised me because he looked so much like me as a baby in the 3D u/s pictures but when looking through The Boy's baby book, there is no denying who he resembles more. He's totally got the olive skin tone (YAY!), the hair line (we can deal with this), the fingers, toes, etc. The Boy says he sees me in him, but everyone else sees The Boy, as do I. Though my dad did say he thinks he has my and my brother's eyes. I am hoping that his eye color turns to blue like mine, but we'll see down the road!

-For now the daily schedule is him eating every four hours with the feeding/burping/feeding/burping/diaper changing process taking about an hour to an hour and a half. He usually is alert and looking around for half an hour after that. This means at night we're getting about two and a half hours of sleep at a time, though we have been either taking turns completley or splitting the duties where I feed/burp/feed and The Boy burps/changes the diaper/gets him back to sleep. I'm pumping every 3-4 hours depending on the time of day and whether or not I've actually breastfed or let someone give him a bottle of breastmilk. (I actually kind of enjoy pumping, as it gives me an excuse to sit at the computer and catch up on my e-mails, Facebook and the 200+ unread blogs.

-He loves this little musical Ernie we have on his changing table. Ernie's holding a duck that flashes and it plays "Rubber Duckie" as well as two other songs. The first time I turned it on when he was fussing about getting changed, his eyes got great big and he just stared at it.

-The animals are doing well. The cats are all fine with him and are staying out of the bassinet. None of them seem scard of him at all and they randomly come up to sniff him and see what's going on. The dog is fine with him too, though he gets very sad if visitors don't say hi to him. We've been trying to make sure that we give him the same attention that he got before, but he gets a bit mopey about the fact that the baby sits on our laps and the like. He does come check things out when Kasen is crying though and gets this concerned look on his face, like "something's wrong! do something!" Cute.

-His first pediatrician appointment went well. He'd gone from 8 lbs, 12 oz. down to 8 lbs, 5 oz at the hospital and had gotten back up to 8 lbs., 7 oz at the appointment. He had gotten a little jaundiced but that passed on it's own and otherwise he's as healthy as can be! Next appointment is in about a week.

-Of course, a few days later he developed some eye gunk issues and after doing some research, I'm convinced his tear ducts are blocked. (Thank God because I was terrified that he was allergic to our pets!) So we've been doing warm compresses, massages and wiping the gunk away constantly. He puts up with it but squeezes his eyes closed when he notices us coming at him with the wash cloth. Poor little dude.

-I totally need to go back to bed. Kasen is passed out on my lap and I need to take advantage of this... didn't get a ton of sleep last night and was up a lot sweating but shivering because I was cold. I'm blaming this on the hormone changes.

Pictures later!

I documented Kasen's birth day for a photo project called A Day In My Life, where you take pictures throughout your day to share a peek into your life. Obviously, that ended up being the birth story, so instead of rewriting it all, I'm just going to post here what I posted there :)

After almost 3 years of trying to get pregnant, we were successful with our first try at IVF. (Which I documented in a previous ADIML here.) At 39 weeks, 2 days, the doctor had me scheduled to be induced due to blood pressure issues... this is my June 6, 2009, also known as my son's birth day. :)



( 43 pictures )

Kasen was born Saturday, June 6 at 7:54 p.m. He weighed 8 lbs, 12 oz (!!) and was 20 1/2 inches long. He is super healthy!!! He scored an 8/9 on his Apgar tests and is just so beautiful. I'm working on the birth story and hope to get that done today, but we'll see. Labor/delivery was pretty easy, but I hemorraged when the placenta came out and it has been very rough ever since. I had to stay in the hospital an extra day and am in love with Percocet right now. Needless to say, between taking care of him, mastering breastfeeding, pumping regularly, and being drugged up, I get pretty exhausted quickly.

I do, however, have a picture of my gorgeous son to leave you with:

I really wanted to do a post today, but time has gotten away from me. I kept having things float around in my head all day, feeling like some really deep and meaningful words would bubble to the surface on the eve of this monumental (in my life) day, but they haven't... all I've come up with is:

HOLY SHIT, I'M HAVING A BABY TOMORROW!

Yesterday's doctor's appointment was the same as it has been: 2 cm dilated, +1 station, basically 100% effaced. "Ready to go" according to the doc. And "See ya Saturday for a birthday party!"

He gave me Ambien to take last night and tonight to make sure I'm well-rested, and I'm heading to bed in about half an hour because I have to get up at like 3:30 a.m. to be at the hospital at 5 a.m.

I've spent the day doing little last minute things and now just need the pizza to arrive so I can eat it, pop the Ambien and go to sleep.

One sort of funny thing that happened: I finally got The Boy to install the car seat and wouldn't you know it, the base broke! A little plastic piece that adjusts the height so it's level snapped right off. No fixing that! Luckily, I have a hand-me-down car seat on hand from a friend, so we put that one in instead. Hopefully we can get the company to send us a new base, but we may just have to buy another one. I'm just glad we're not having to run out right this second to do it!

So yeah. I just... I've got nothing. It's all kind of surreal at this point. My phone has been ringing off the hook all day and I've gotten tons of e-mails from people wishing us a speedy and healthy delivery. That's all I'm asking for, too! I'm not nervous at all - just incredibly excited and anxious to get this show on the road. Ask me again on the ride in the elevator up to labor/delivery though!

So, there's a topic going around asking if you knew you would have problems getting pregnant before you actually TTC and I wanted to jump in on it:

Yep - I knew. For a long time, like since I was a child playing with my Cabbage Patch Kids. No reason to suspect anything... had normal cycles before going on the pill, fertile family members, etc., but deep down I just knew it wouldn't be easy and I would be on this path.

When we decided to start trying and the husband suggested we wait a few months to time a pregnancy around other things going on, I was so angry because my first thought was, "Great! Just longer to wait to get confirmation that something's wrong." I'd tell people my feelings, but no one would listen and I always got "just relax!"

I lasted about 10 months trying on our own before I convinced him that we needed to see someone. It was like four months after that before we actually got any test results back, the first being that he had severe sperm issues. Even with that devastating news, I still knew there was more to it and sure enough a few weeks later, I was diagnosed with PCOS on top of it.

Even after four failed IUIs, five rounds of Clomid and months of acupuncture, the husband still thought we would get pregnant on our own. It wasn't until we were in the midst of IVF that he actually started accepting that we would not get pregnant on our own and that even IVF wasn't necessarily going to work.

Of course, we're thrilled that it did, though heartbroken we didn't have any embryos make it to freeze.

And now... I'm having our son this Saturday, and it is so surreal. I still can't believe that I'm even pregnant!

On top of that, thanks to Metformin, my cycles are completely normal and the husband had his highest sperm count to date at our IVF so hope is sneaking in that maybe we'll get lucky and get pregnant easily the next time around. Seems like such a naive thing to even think about, but I see the hope in his eyes and can't help but think that logically it makes sense... normal cycles + higher sperm counts...? Who knows.

So I was having a painful contraction every time I woke up last night to pee. I was feeling off before I went to bed and kept feeling like I was super gassy/poopy, but didn't think much of it considering I was passing some gas.

When I got up to start my day, I was having menstral-type cramps, but wasn't really paying much attention to those until a friend asked me if I was having any contractions today. That's when I realized that the menstral-type cramps were totally coming and going... relatively regularly. (I'm a bit slow, apparently.) They weren't super painful but I started timing them and realized they were coming about 6 minutes apart... this lasted about an hour and a half and included changing positions to see if they'd stop or not. They didn't. I woke The Boy up and let him know then hopped in the shower while he ran around all excited getting some things done. I had a doctor's appointment so the plan was to just go there first and let him check me and see what he said.

By the time we got there they had slowed down a bit but were still happening. He checked me - still at 2 cm! Argh! - but Kasen's heartrate was down from what it normally was and would drop when stimulated (instead of increase) and he hadn't been as active over the last few days. In addition, my blood pressure was up a little bit so he decided to send us over to the hospital and have me and Kasen monitored to see what was up.

I had a good contraction on the walk up to labor/delivery and then they basically stopped. I think they caught one on the monitor, but it wasn't all that painful. Kasen's heartrate was all over the place, but it stayed within the "normal" ranges and of course he started getting active. My blood pressure was a bit high, but they had me lay on my side and it went down and stayed down. They did a CBC and everything came back normal... including my platlets, which were at 159,000. That's awesome because they had been around 130,000 which is sort of low so there had been some concern there that they might drop.

So now we're home and I'm still pregnant. :) Barring any changes, I go back on Thursday and we're still looking at a Saturday induction!

I leave you with some pictures I finally got off our new camera:

	38 week belly shot my head looks so tiny!
	alien tummy
	built-in table
	Neal all excited... false alarm!
	contraction in the elevator
	being monitored
	Max's point of view
	nursery closet
	nursery 1
	nursery 2
	nursery 3

Today is May 28, which is the day that I kept having run through my mind so I thought maybe I'd be having Kasentoday. Don't know if he'll actually be born today or not, but something is definitely up!

We had another appointment today with the doctor. The Boy went with and I'm glad he did because between the time we left (12:40) until we actually saw the doctor (2 p.m. - he had to run to the hospital to check a patient), he had pointed out that I was having contractions every 10 minutes or so. I totally didn't even notice until he said something after four or five of them.

So yeah - not BH contractions either. It all starts with a pressure in my rectum that makes me feel like I may have to go poo, then it turns to a pain around my cervix, followed by my entire stomach getting hard. We weren't timing them because I thought "eh, they don't hurt that much" but then I realized that maybe I should be.

We let the doctor know and he didn't say much besides "yup" and the fact that we already know I could go any day now. He checked me and I'm still at 2 cm dilated with the baby at +1 station but... I'm 100% effaced! Woah! He said that if my water breaks or if I start feeling like I can't handle the contractions at home, to just go to the hospital.

I woke up this morning at 3 a.m. to pee and tossed and turned until 4:30 a.m. unable to get back to sleep. At that point, I got up and figured I'd eat something and maybe watch some tv until I fell asleep on the couch, but once I was up, I was UP... and nesting. I did laundry, organized some cabinets, cleaned out my purse, made banana bread and did the dishes. Needless to say, by the time we got home around 3 p.m. I went straight to bed because I was exhausted. I woke up about 5:30 p.m. from the pain of a contraction and decided to stay up and start timing them.

They are still coming about every 10-15 minutes or so although sometimes it's as long as 30 minutes between them. It's strange because I just can't always tell that I'm having one until I'm really into it... I also can't always tell when it's ended so it's kind of hard to keep track. I'm using www.contractionmaster.com and just doing my best.

We got our glider today and we LOVE it! It's perfect... both of us fit in it nicely, the back is tall enough that we can both lay our heads back, it has three reclining positions and it came with an ottoman. It's so comfy and I may very well sleep in it tonight. Heck... I should be sitting in it right now instead of on the couch!

So even though I'm feeling great and my blood pressure has been pretty normal lately, even when I'm up doing things, the doctor doesn't think I should go to my due date. He's concerned about pre-eclampsia and my platelet counts. (They've been hovering around 130 which is the low end of "normal." My arms are starting to get bruised from so much blood being drawn because he keeps checking my counts to make sure they aren't dropping. Tis okay though - I'd rather be poked tons of times to make sure things are alright rather than hemmorage during delivery!) He said not only is the baby ready, but my body is ready as well ("very" thinned out, still 2cm dilated and K is back at +1 station) so if I don't go into labor within the next week, we are scheduled for an induction June 6!

I'm hoping to go into labor on my own because I'd rather avoid pitocin and all that, but whatever will be will be. So, I walked A LOT yesterday - my hips are killing me now. The hubby is thrilled at the amount of sex we're having and doesn't mind helping with some nipple stimulation as well. I refuse to do the castor oil thing after reading that the entire reason it works is because it causes diarrhea. I have IBS so I need no help in that area, kthnxbye. I'm not a huge fan of spicey food but could totally go for some Mexican food right now, so maybe I'll drag him out to eat tonight and sample some of his dinner while I pig out on salsa. According to this site, there are some acupressure spots as well that he can try. He's been absolutely amazing with back/hip/leg/feet rubs - seriously, I get a rub down every morning when he gets home from work! - so adding those couple little acupressure spots will be no big deal.

With all the walking I was doing yesterday, I was definitely having some contractions. Mostly Braxton Hicks but there were a few low ones that were quite painful. At one point it felt like I was going to have diarrhea - you know the feeling... sudden pain and pressure in the tush area like "i'm not going to make it to the bathroom!" then all of a sudden the feelings shifted to my cervix and shortly after that, they disappeared completely. During that time my stomach was rock hard and kind of square-shaped, which amuses me. K does not like it whatsoever. Every time I have a BH contraction, when it ends, his limbs go flailing everywhere like "GET OFF ME!" Poor guy.

So yeah. That's where we stand. I'm going to take it easier today than I did yesterday just to give my poor legs and hips a break, but more sex and hanging out on the balance ball are on the agenda.

So this morning I decided to sit outside for a bit before it got too hot then decided that I couldn't stand looking at the bird poop around our pool any longer so I pressure washed the patio/pool area. It felt good to actually be up doing something and when I came in and took my blood pressure it was just a little high. Score.

I rested for a couple of hours... ate, played some online games, watched tv... and then all of a sudden I looked around at my relatively clean house and realized it was NOT CLEAN ENOUGH and it was imperative that this was resolved RIGHT NOW!!!

I am totally nesting.

The Boy vacuumed for me while I brushed the pets, mopped, changed our sheets, did laundry and cleaned the bathrooms... all within the past two hours. I just checked my blood pressure figuring that after all of that it'd be super high but it's normal! Now I'm considering what else MUST BE DONE but I'm looking around and not really seeing much. Perhaps I'll put this sudden burst of energy into getting my pregnancy scrapbook caught up. It really wouldn't take that long but for some reason I just haven't been in the mood to work on it.

I have a busy month coming up and I'm hoping that I'm up for it all with a newborn. On May 28*, my high school friends are trying to plan a Girls Night Out. On May 30, my twin cousins are having their graduation party (from high school) and I'd love to go. It's been years since I've seen them and it seems so strange to know they are adults now. To me they will always be babies. On June 13, a high school friend of mine is turning 30 and her family is throwing her a surprise birthday party. I haven't seen her in years and would love to go hang out with her and all of my other high school friends that are going. That same day, one of my best friends who I've known since I was 5 is having a graduation party for herself to celebrate getting her RN license. She's gotten this while working full-time, going to school full-time, raising two kids and having horses to take care of so this is a huge accomplishment. On June 14, my cousin's wife is having her baby shower that I also really want to go to. She's the one who was kidnapped a couple of years ago and had a miscarriage last year. They are having a boy as well and are due in August! Needless to say, I'm hoping that Kasen and I are up for all that visiting because I know everyone will be dying to see him and I'll be dying to show him off... if he makes his arrival early as the doctor predicts, that is. There's a good chance I'll miss the twin's party but we should be able to make it to the other ones.

I was having Braxton Hicks contractions all night last night. Whenever I woke up or rolled over or went to the bathroom (x5) my stomach was rock hard and a little sore. I've had a few on and off all day but no more menstral cramp-type contractions. I go back to see the doctor on Tuesday and am hoping for a little more progress to have taken place.

We ordered a reclining glider with ottoman the other day from Wal-Mart of all places. It should be here in about a week. It was only $200 so I'm not expecting some amazing craftsmanship or anything, but it got good reviews and was what we were looking for so we're going to give it a shot. If we hate it, we can always return it, but I'm hoping we don't. And it says it's "fern sage" but all the reviews say it's more of a khaki, which is what I'm hoping for. If not, I can always recover it. I had wanted to keep the cost under $200 but kept finding us looking at more and more expensive things (we fell in love with one that was $800) until next thing I know I was saying "as long as it's under $500." Um, no. I had to stop myself and reiterate how I would much rather put that money in savings than spend it on a chair. So hopefully this will work out.

*And just to document it to see if perhaps Kasen's born that day, I keep thinking "May 28, May 28, May 28" for some reason.

I'm full-term today! Ah!!!!

No changes at today's appointment. Well, I guess that's not true... he said that K is now at -2 station, which makes no sense as he was just at +1 a couple of days ago. I didn't realize they could pop back out once engaged. And I don't feel any different... still tons of pressure on my pelvis, tailbone and nerve pain when I'm up and gravity takes effect, and ridiculous pain when he decides to wallop me in the cervix. Ow. One thing is the doctor said he thinks I'll go in about 7-10 days! That would make him a May baby which is what I've thought from the beginning.

The Boy and I went into town first thing this morning to shop for a glider. None of the furniture stores we went to had any just regular rocking chairs... they were all more like chair chairs instead of wood rocking chairs. We did find one chair at La-Z-Boy that we LOVED - it was so comfy and fit us both perfectly, but it was $800, which is ridiculous. There's a store in Newark I'm going to check out tomorrow but we may end up back at BRU.

After that we went to the doctor's appointment then came home and went to bed. I slept for about two hours then got up and went to the neighbor's house to let Max go swimming. The poor thing has been totally bored out of his mind and he needed a good romp. We were over there for about two hours, me sitting in a chair getting a little too much sun and him swimming and running around with a different neighbor's dog and fetching sticks thrown by the kids. The funniest thing was when the kids started swimming... he had never seen people swim before and he didn't quite know what to do. I thought he was going to jump in and drag them out! He enjoyed swimming with them though and is now passed out on his spot on the couch - completely worn out.

Tomorrow I'm going to a friend's house to car pool to see another friend who is in town from Washington. I haven't seen her in about five years and she has a one-year-old now. She's here for at least another week and I'm kind of hoping I'll have K while she's in town so she can meet him.

On Monday, my parents are picking me up to go to my aunt's annual Memorial Day cookout. Luckily for Max, she has a fenced in yard and a dog so he'll get to join us for that and get out of the house again. We'll see how he does being outside without me though... she doesn't allow dogs in her house and if it's too hot I don't plan on sitting outside the entire time. He may sit on the porch at the door crying the whole time because he won't be able to keep a super close eye on me like he has been. (Seriously, he even checks on me when I go to the bathroom!)

I love lemonade. (1 cup of lemon juice, 1 cup of sugar, 6 1/2 cups of water - makes the perfect lemonade... yum!!!)

I am bored out of my mind.

My whole plan of having everything ready for the baby by May 1 went pretty well. We are getting a glider hopefully on Thursday and waiting on my BRU 10% off coupon to get the video monitor. I want to order some LilyPadz and I need to figure out what to do about a breast pump. I was going to borrow a friend's, but she loaned it to someone else and the breastfeeding class we took made me feel all icky about using one that's not meant to be shared. I have a manual one that was given to me so I think I'll just use that at first and decide later.

My blood pressure has been normal the last few days so while I had been taking it easy due to that, I feel much better and like I have energy to do stuff. The problem now of course is that Kasen's at +1 station and pressing on some nerve that hurts like hell and makes my leg go numb when I stand. I realized the other day that basically since my last shower (April 25), I haven't done anything besides go to the grocery store, doctor's appointments and occassionally to the dog park.

Anyway, my point is that I've basically been on self-imposed "bed rest" since then and I've got to say it sucks. It wasn't so bad at first but I'm going out of my mind now. The doctor's words have been "take it easy as often as you can" and I definitely needed it and can only imagine what I'd have been like if I hadn't done it, but I'm so tired of watching tv and playing games online now that it isn't funny. What I really want to do is go for a walk with my dog, be able to clean my own house and not have taking a shower be such a chore.

Basically, I'm totally ready to have this baby and start that stage of my life. I'm hitting that point where I'm ready to have my body back and thoughts of what I can do to start labor are crossing my mind. I refuse to actually do anything because I know he'll come when he's ready but conversations with him including bribery are definitely taking place.

And of course, any mention of me being bored and sick of sitting around are met with "support" of "enjoy it now!" or "you'll wish you had this time on your hands soon!" No crap, people... but no matter how well-rested I am before the baby comes, two weeks after he's born I am going to be sleep-deprived and wishing for a break.

:::sigh:::

I had lost a pound at yesterday's doctor's appointment and realized today why that is. I'm not eating nearly as much as I was. Basically nothing sounds good and I'm really surviving on milk and watermelon with the occassional bowl of cereal thrown in. I'm considering running into town to find something else to eat and rent a movie. (and buy more milk and watermelon while I'm out...)

EditOkay, so I just walked over to my neighbor's to return a ball that my dog thiefed and visited them for a little while. Came home, fed the dog and decided to take my blood pressure because I was feeling a little funny. It was 126/102. That's not good. Perhaps more sitting around is in order. :::sigh:::

So today's appointment went well. The internal was a bit more painful this time, but still nothing worse than an IUI or transfer. Afterwards, I had a little bit of spotting and possibly passed a little of my mucous plug, though I'm not sure.

I had contractions on and off the night before last and yesterday, but haven't had any today. (Most of them were the achey up high ones, but I definitely had a few painful lower ones as well.)

The update:
2 cm dilated
80% effaced (!)
+1 station!!! (Hello!!! That's like an inch and a half away from crowning. CROWNING, people! I'm totally sitting on my child's head right now. Crazy!)

I can definitely tell Kasen's gotten lower. The placement of his butt/legs is much farther from my ribs (though he can certainly still kick them) and my tail bone is killing me. The exercise ball is my friend, but I can only sit on it so long before my back/abs start hurting. It's funny because I'll be feeling fine, get up to go pee or get something to eat and I can slowly feel gravity settling him onto my tail bone... a slight ache and pressure starts and then it gets worse and worse, followed by a strange crampy/stinging/possible nerve compression on the inside of my right thigh that makes walking impossible. I got up a little bit ago and the pain got so bad that my right foot actually started going numb... which makes me think it's the Kasen's head compressing a nerve.

My poor dog keeps following me around looking at me all concerned like "what do I do!?" I'm concerned about him because I'm his pack leader and he is seeing me as injured right now which is making him a bit insecure. Yesterday, The Boy and I took him to the dog park so he could get a good romp in and he would barely leave my side. Whenever he did walk away, he would look back at me the entire time and never really did play hard with any of the dogs. If a dog came up to me, he bolted over and got between us and would chase them off. Afterwards, we took him into a pet store to get some dog food, which he usually loves doing. He's always well behaved and just enjoys sniffing everything but yesterday he was like in panic mode. This little pinscher jumped out of its cart and came trotting up to us to say hello and Max completely freaked out, twisted out of his collar/leash, went tearing up to him growling, knocking over bags of food on his way to get to this dog before he got to me. The Boy was able to grab him before he made it to the dog, but Max was so worked up he was trembling and had crazy eyes. I have never seen him act like that before... we took him to the car after that.

So yeah. Back to the doctor on Thursday (if I make it that long), when I'll be officially considered full term at 37 weeks. If Kasen keeps dropping like he is, I really won't be pregnant much longer. I can't imagine spending another three weeks in this type of pain not being able to walk. We were planning on laboring at home as long as possible, but with how low he is, that concerns me now. Dilation can go super fast sometimes and if that happened, it may only take a couple of contractions for the kid to come shooting out of me! Thankfully, I packed an emergency delivery bag just in case, but I'd much rather deliver him at the hospital than on my kitchen floor.

36 weeks!

So my first weekly OB appointment has already turned into bi-weekly appointments! I go back every Monday and Thursday from now on.

Why?

Because not only do I have a bit of protein in my urine and my blood pressure is staying up (which are both signs of pre-eclampsia possibly starting), but Kasen is at 0 station, my cervix is thinning out and I'm dilated 1 cm. The doctor said I am definitely ahead of the game and he doesn't see me making it to my due date.

I had been a bit nervous about my first inernal exam today because everyone says how bad it hurts. However, compared to IUIs, HSGs and the friggin' egg retrieval, it was a breeze and I barely felt a thing. Score.

The nurse took blood to do a CBC but then after I talked to the doctor and he looked over everything, he decided to take more blood to test for pre-eclampsia. He also swabbed me to do the Group B Strep test.

Speaking of Kasen... he rolled over yesterday after being in the same position for days. All I saw were limbs flying everywhere and it hurt - bad. However, at some point in the past couple of hours, he rolled again but this time I didn't feel a thing. I figured he was too big to be doing that anymore, not to mention having his head engaged in my pelvis, but I guess not!

We have a breastfeeding class tonight.

Hospital bags are packed and actually in the car, along with the car seat.

My friend is giving me her crib mattress. I got a baby bathtub on CraigsList for $5. Just need a monitor, glider and a mirror for the car!

Oh, and I have some stretch marks appearing on my lower belly. I was hoping I'd get away without any but alas they have shown up. Sad.

My doggy Max knows something is up. For the past week or so he's become increasingly clingy to me. As a matter of fact, he's sleeping at my feet right now using them as a pillow.

The routine had become that when The Boy got home from work in the mornings (he works midnights), he'd feed Max then take him outside for the morning/early afternoon while he did things outside. Max would then come in with him around 2 p.m. or so and we'd all take a nap. Then in the evening, I'd take Max on walks outside (we have six acres) or go to the dog park or take a walk on the bike trail. Now, when The Boy takes him out, he'll hang outside for about half an hour before stationing himself at the door whining to be let in. If I'm still in bed and The Boy has shut the bedroom door, Max stands there crying and pawing at it until I get up and let him in with me and then he proceeds to get on the bed with me and cuddle as close as possible. I'm totally flattered at his love and concern, but I feel so bad because I can't take him for walks or play with him like I used to. So he sleeps near me or sits there staring at me and sighing because he's bored. The Boy's been taking him for walks and playing with him and my parents took him for a walk today. Of course, the moment they get back to the house, he runs around in a panic looking for me.

So yeah - he knows something's up with me, which is incredibly neat and again, flattering. Although at the same time I'm a bit freaked that he knows something I don't... like labor's going to start *right now* or something!

As of now, the plan is that when I go into labor, my parents are going to come stay at our house with him because The Boy is staying at the hospital with me. (It's closer to the hospital for them anyway!) Whenever we leave him at their house, he mopes around and just stares out the window the entire time so I think if they just took him to their house he'd probably keep them up all night freaking out about where we were.

I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment today but they called yesterday and said the doctor would be out and rescheduled my appointment for Thursday. So I continue to just take it easy and stay sitting/laying down as much as possible. My blood pressure had been rising only when I was up, but this morning when I took it before I got out of bed, it was already elevated. Not so much a good sign. I was also strangely looking forward to my first internal exam... just curious if anything is going on down there. So yeah... Thursday I will be 36 weeks! My plan is to throw my hospital bags in my car and keep them there from now on... just in case. The hospital is just down the street from the doctor's office, but we live about 20 minutes away. I'd hate to have him tell me that I need to go to the hospital and not have any of the stuff with me.

I believe Kasen has dropped... I'm peeing more often and my belly seems lower. He's been unable to roll side to side like he had been and I've been noticing that he's facing my back more now, too, instead of just the side. Good signs for a vaginal delivery!