Well, I didn't win the health challenge. I pretty much gave up about 5-6 weeks in. Between trying to find time to exercise with a clingy baby and continually forgetting I'm lactose interolant then having to deal with pain for days, I just threw in the towel. However, I DID lose 8 pounds, 8 inches and am down 2 pants sizes! I want to lose 5 more pounds and get down one more pant size and I know I can do it... I'm just not going to worry about it right this minute.

I'm doing better remembering that I need to take Lactaid before having any dairy, though I still forget on occassion. (Ahem... at lunch today.) I seem to be getting more sensitive to it though, which is very uncool.

My thyroid is doing good! I just got results today that it's now 0.92... we were hoping to get it around 1 or 2, so this is good. I have TONS more energy, am sleeping better (minus Maddie still waking up at least once a night) and feel better overall. The best part is that my libido is finally back!! Neal's happy, if not a little annoyed, and I'm thrilled. :)

Because of said libido, our interest was piqued this month when my period was more than a week late. My period has been incredibly regular since it came back and I'm 99% positive of the day I ovulated. I started having some nausea, dizziness and sore nipples so we were really thinking I might be pregnant. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative, which relieved and saddened us at the same time.

Speaking of sore nipples, there's definitely something about this cycle that's messing with my breasts. My nipples feel like they did right after Maddie was born and are killing me, I feel like my milk supply has gone down and my bras are a bit lose. She is not ready to stop nursing, though I'm not completely against it. (She's 10 1/2 months now so we are way beyond my goal of 6 months.) She's definitely getting frustrated at how long it takes my milk to let down now and how quickly she empties it. We'll see what happens after this period ends.

I am pretty darn annoyed with myself right about now for multiple reasons.

1. There are 3 weeks left to this health challenge and I'm not doing so great at it. That's not true, I'm doing okay but I'm only down 4 pounds (was 6, but I gained 2 back) and I wanted to lose 10-15, which was totally doable. I haven't been eating terribly. My veggie intake is way up and even when I do allow myself a little bit of sugar - it's just that. A little bit. The main problem is that I haven't been exercising like I should, for many reasons. I rocked the first week of the challenge and then got sick. Exercising while sick is very difficult. I managed to get in some light exercising during those two weeks, but not a lot of cardio. I finally got over that and was good for a few days and then my period came, along with lovely cramps and zero energy. After that went away, I did well and was down 6 pounds and 5 inches with like 5 weeks left to go. And then my favorite ice cream place opened for the season. Which brings me to:

2. It's not that I ate some ice cream that was the problem. The problem was that I seemed to have forgotten that I'm now lactose intolerant. So the following couple of days were filled with crazy bloating, nausea, lots of time in the bathroom and pain to the point that my husband kept commenting on how I was walking. (Slowly, gently and bent over holding my stomach. You know, like I was last summer when I landed in the ER because of this stuff.) And then. THEN! I'm such an idiot that a few days later I FORGOT and got ice cream again! Seriously. Idiot. So, rinse and repeat = no cardio exercise. Any movement that jolts my stomach is out of the question.

So I've been careful since and then on Monday I had some Greek yogurt. My low carb yogurt doesn't effect me at all so I didn't think anything about it. And spent the next 3 days in the bathroom. ARGH!

This morning I ate a little bit of cottage cheese after researching it and reading that it's pretty low in lactose and most people can handle it fine. I'm apparently not one of those people because a little bit ago N pointed out that my stomach was huge. I had noticed I was feeling a bit nauseous but didn't think much of it but after he said that I looked down and holy cow. Bloated. I measured my waist/hips and I've gained 2 inches on each.

And of course I was waiting for Maddie to take a nap so I could go do some cardio exercise and now I'm feeling crampy and even more nauseated. I'm still going to attempt it but I have a feeling it's not going to go over very well.

3. Non-medical related, I think I've been coming off as bragging to people about Kasen/that I think I'm (we're) better than others. It's not how I intend to come off, but some things have happened lately that make me think that that's how I'm being perceived. One of my favorite quotes is "Perception is reality" and I really need to try to keep that in mind when I go about my daily life. The main problem I think is that I still struggle with being shy and when I run into people I'm not super close to, I generally freeze up and can't think of a single thing to say. I think I mentioned this on here before, but sometimes if I know I'll need to talk with people I don't see often, I'll sit down and write out a list of things to try to remember to talk about/bring up/remember to ask them about. It's... well, sad really. I've been trying to change this for years, but I'm not getting very far with it apparently. Anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? For now, I've cut back on how often I post on Facebook and am trying to keep it general like waht we did that day or maybe something funny Kasen said. I'm pretty much going to stop posting videos because we have reason to believe he is gifted and I think people may be getting annoyed (offended?) at some things I've posted lately. (For example, he's reading. Now if I read that a friend's 2 1/2 year old was reading, I'd be commenting like crazy and love seeing videos of that child in action because it's amazing, but I worry that not everyone thinks that and that I'm just bragging.) My plan is to post anything education-related about him on our homeschooling blog and just leave it at that. My husband's family knows the link so they can choose to check it or not.

Anyway, mostly I'm annoyed with myself that I'm in my 30s and still dealing with feeling socially awkward.

Tis sucky.

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Oh. My. Goodness.

I love my Synthroid. Guys. I feel fabulous!

At the two week mark of taking it, I woke up and felt like a cloud was just gone.

Let's go through that list I posted a little back:

Forgetfulness: Better, but there's still room for improvement.

Insomnia/light sleeper: Better, but I can't truly comment on that until Maddie starts sleeping all the way through the night again.

IBS: FINE! Oh, how amazing it is to be regular and not have pain!

Depression: Lord, no. I feel great! I'm even more outgoing now!

Cramps/joint pain: Nilch.

Libido: Coming back, much to my husband's delight!

Cold extremeties: Still have this.

Dry skin: A little better.

Thinning eyebrows: Yes, but they haven't gotten any worse.

Energy level: way up! We've all been sick with a nasty virus, but before I got that, I was getting up at 6:30 a.m. ready to go and managing to get an hour of exercise in first thing each morning. It was awesome.

Cut on nose that I've had since before September: FINALLY healed! Even though I've been blowing my nose like crazy. I keep expecting it to split open again, but it hasn't.

So, yeah. Fabulous :)

It's true that when you aren't cycling your infertility blog sort of becomes something else.

I don't want to use this blog as a place to talk about nothing but my children because I don't want someone currently ttc to come across it and see it's nothing but kids, kids, kids. Of course, that's what my life is now, but it doesn't make it easier to read about when you are in the trenches of infertility... even if you can find hope in the outcome.

(For the record, if you are interested in what my kids are up to, then you can let me know and I'll give you the link to our homeschooling blog.)

I don't want to close this blog because we want at least one more child and although I'd be thrilled with a surprise pregnancy, I'm under no illusions that that will happen. Whether we do try to get pregnant or decide to try adoption is to be seen, but either way, I know this blog will become my go-to freak out place.

In the meantime, I guess that's why it's become about my medical issues outside our infertility. Boring to most who come here I'm sure, but I like being able to document all of this stuff. My blogs were invaluable when I went back through and started making a list of symptoms over the years. I'd forgotten about a lot of things and it was nice to be able to put together a timeline. (Even if it did make me feel like a hypochondriac. It also pointed out that I have lots of random medical issues.)

I got my lab results back and there were no thyroid antibodies which rules out Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. While my TSH was back within the normal range at 2.7, it was still on the high side of where my doctor likes to see it. He wants it at a 1 or 2. the FT4 was also within the normal range at .8 (0.8-1.8) but he likes to see it at 1.1 or 1.2. So, since my TSH has been all over the place, both results are just on the edge of "normal" and since I'm having symptoms, he went ahead and put me on a low dose of Synthroid. He said I won't notice anything for 2-3 weeks and he wants to recheck my levels in 6 weeks. I've got to say though that I've been sleeping better this past week, although I've also got a nasty cold which could be helping in that department. :)

In other news, I'm starting this health challenge through my friend's church this Sunday. I should have posted on here earlier about it because anyone can join as it's all on the honor system via e-mail. I'm excited about it because I've been putting on weight instead of losing and am now up 3 pants sizes from last year. Some of my maternity pants are even too tight!

I have 15-20 pounds to lose and want to go down at least 2 pants sizes.

So the health challenge... it's not anything crazy strict. It really just gets you to follow the guidelines we're supposed to anyway. You get 1 point for doing each required thing each day for 9 weeks. For example, you get a point for each well-balanced meal a day. 1 point for getting at least 5 servings of fruits and veggies. 1 point for drinking 64 ounces of water. 1 point for flossing. 1 point for no sugar. 1 point for no caffeine. 1 point for no alcohol. You can earn 2 points for 1 hour of exercise and then an additional 1 point for another hour of exercise. Anyway, that kind of stuff. It was $20 to enter and there are 4 ways to win - most weight lost, most inches lost, most percentage of weight lost and most points. My neighbor will win most points because she already does everything on the list so it will not be hard for her, but I think I'm in the running for all the other categories and I'm going to attempt (ha, ha) to beat said neighbor. (Though getting 2 hours of exercise in a day is just not going to happen so... yeah. My goal is 1 hour and hope that she doesn't always do the 2 hours!)

The hardest part for me is going to be no sugar but I also know that after the first week, it will be easier to avoid it.

I went ahead and made an appointment with my OB after finding some more lab work that points to a thyroid issue. The very first labs I had done with the infertility doctor in the military showed my TSH was 2.72 with the FT4 at .60 which is low (the range is .77-1.61.) and a note below it that said "Normal or decreased TSH with low FT4 indicates patient may have hypothyroidism secondary to decreased TSH secretion. Possible hypopituitarism."

And, being the military health care, no one said a word or elaborated or ever did anything beyond hand me the lab results. Kind of like when I was told I had PCOS. (Seriously - you think government healthcare is a good idea? Deal with the military healthcare system for a day and you'll change your mind. It's a joke. Anyway.)

So that was in December 2006. Since then my TSH has been all over the place (generally from mid-2s to high 4s) and the more random health concerns I remember popping up over the years, the longer my list grows of things I have going on that can be attributed to hypothyroidism. (The newest ones are adhesive allergy, hair changes and slow healing wounds. I have a cut on my nostril that has been there pretty much 90% of the time since September. It's January now.)

I saw my OB today and as soon as I mentioned my TSH being 5.01 he started talking about the tests he wanted to run, which were all on my list of things to ask him to look into. He said he likes to see TSH at a 1 or 2 so combine my TSH with the symptoms I'm having and he's pretty sure I do have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. He drew blood and said he should get the results back later this week. I'm assuming he'll go ahead and start me on a thyroid replacement therapy.

Of course, being distracted talking to him and excited that I may actually have a diagnosis for all this stuff, I forgot to tell him not to use a bandaid on me. A couple hours later I noticed that my inner elbow where he drew blood was bothering me... I removed the band aid and my skin was all blistered and on fire. I should have taken a picture - it was awful. Thankfully, it's pretty much better already, though that surprises me because I seriously thought I ripped off some blisters with the bandaid.

In good news, while trying to hunt down all of my medical records from the past 10 years, I found out that my favorite doctor who I used to see before I moved is accepting new patients again so we're moving the kids and me and Neal all over to him. I am thrilled by this and will be getting his opinion about all of this at my new patient visit with him mid-February. Depending on what he thinks, I may or may not cancel my appointment with the Endocrinologist. If he thinks he can manage it fine, then I really don't see any point in seeing a specialist.

Crazy mood swings? The day my period came, I felt this huge cloud lift and I've been fine ever since. No clue what that was about. Definitely a hormonal thing... which leads me to:

I finally got the results back from my most recent rounds of doctors visits.

One of the biopsies from my upper endoscopy and both biopsies from my rectum came back "inflammed." The doctor's assistant is the one who called me with the results and said that that could have just been caused by the bowel prep, but I doubt it because then I wouldn't have rectum pain that comes and goes all of the time.

I asked if she thought that being lactose intolerant could contribute to the inflammation and she said - get this - "I don't know. Google it."

Um. Okay. Aren't I paying you guys to help me figure this out? My follow up to go over these results isn't until March 2 - THREE months after the actual procedure. :::SIGH!:::

She also said all of my labs came back normal except for my TSH (thyroid-stimulating hormone), which was 5.01 and is "just above normal so nothing to be concerned about." They use the range 0.5-5.0, but I knew from my mom's experience that this range has been considered outdated since 2003 and the new range is 0.3-3.0.

Instead of getting into that with her since she'd just tell me to Google it anyway and the doctor's a gastroenterologist, not an endocrinologist, I decided to just do my own research and get an appointment with an endocrinologist.

Of course, they are backed up as well and the first available appointment they had is March 5.

So, what has Dr. Google taught me?

That I have all of the symptoms of Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and that EVERYTHING that I have complained about over the past 3+ years can be related back to having hypothyroidism.

Let's look at this list, shall we?

PCOS w/ insulin resistance. Yes. "HT is 4x more common in women with PCOS."

Forgetfulness. Yes.

Insomnia/light sleeper. Yes.

IBS, which is what the Gastro thinks I have. Yes.

Depression. Yes.

Cramps/joint pain. Yes.

Low libido. Yes.

Cold extremeties. Yes.

Dry skin. Yes

Thinning of eyebrows. Yes.

The only thing that isn't contributed to it is lactose intolerance, which can be contributed to IBS, which has been better since I stopped drinking milk.

I have been having more abdominal/rectum pain as of late so I fear that I'm getting ready to have another flare up. I'm trying to watch my diet and exercise in the hopes that I can keep it at bay.

After talking to my mom, I also found out that thyroid issues run on both sides of my family.

I've also started pulling some medical records I have at home and found that one year ago, my TSH was 2.36, so the fact that it's almost doubled in that time and I've had all of these new crazy symptoms showing up, tells me that something is definitely not right.

So now I'm contacting all of the doctors I've seen in the past three years to get copies of my medical records so that I can go through them to compare results,educate myself and then give copies to the Endocrinologist.

I'm considering getting an appointment with my OB, too, who I adore. I had told him at my 6-week check up that I was having low libido and he said if by 12 weeks post partum I was still having issues to let him know and he'd run some tests. Life took over and I never did it but since I can't get into see the Endo until March and she'll probably want to run more blood work anyway, it can't hurt to have another round of labs done this month for comparison. (I'd then have labs from November, January and March for her to compare.) Also, I can get my OB to run some more detailed thyroid-specific labs that I've found out about online and I don't think have been done.

I truly hope that this is what the problem is. Though I really don't want to have to be on medication for the rest of my life, it would be relatively easily solve all of my issues.

The day after that last post, I woke up at 6:30 a.m. completely fine, though kind of manic. Decided that I HAD to purge my closet and spent 3+ hours doing so. I was in a great mood and felt like I had tons of energy, but as the day went on, I got more and more moody.

Little things are annoying me. I'm taking everything way too personally. I'm worrying about how others are taking everything I do and say. One second I'll be fine, the next I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack.

And I can't pinpoint why I'm feeling this way.

There's nothing stressful going on that directly effects me. Yes, they just found a brain tumor in my cousin's five-year-old daughter, but they think they got it all and she's doing okay and is at a great hospital. Yes, my mom is having a biopsy this week to rule out uterine cancer and they found a mass on N's dad's liver, which are both scary but I'm trying not to think too much about it until we have more information. I'm having an endoscopy and sigmoidoscopy this Friday, but I've been feeling pretty good (though I'm having rectal pain today...) and I'm not nervous about either procedure. (Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous about the endoscopy.) N's been working a lot lately and I am feeling a little withdrawn from him, like we're not quite on the same page with things, but we haven't had any arguments or anything like that, so I think those feelings are just from not seeing him and being moody. Kasen and Maddie are great... I've been blessed with very well-behaved children who make my life easy. Thank's to N's overtime, we're even doing okay money-wise so it's not that that's bothering me.

I don't know. I can't figure it out so it's got to be hormonal. Maybe it's all those little things.

I'm feeling very unsocial right now and keep canceling plans so I don't have to go anywhere. I am having a friend over tomorrow though to give her a crash course in Love and Logic parenting because she's having a hard time with her oldest son and is ready to try a different technique. I'm actually looking forward to that though because I love L&L and believe in it wholeheartedly so I'm excited to be able to help her. After she leaves, the kids and I are going to Target becuase there are a ton of random things I need and I have a gift card to spend. So, that'll be fun.

Blah. I don't know.

I do know that it's bedtime and that's exciting. :)

Oh, lordy.

My hormones are at it again. I think I'm getting ready to ovulate and I am just a mess today. Haven't actually cried but I really feel like I could. Mostly I'm just... pissy. Everything is getting on my nerves and I hate it.

I know if I stopped breastfeeding, my hormones would (hopefully) level out some, but I really don't want to. It's fabulous, Madison loves it, I love not having to mess with bottles and at this point, I really have no plans to quit until after her first birthday, if she wants to. (Though it did cross my mind when I called to set up a Lasik consultation and was told I'd have to wait 6 weeks AFTER I quit nursing to do it. Sad.) But having to deal with these mood swings every time I ovulate and every time my period comes is very uncool. I do not like feeling unstable and out of control. Especially when I know I'm being ridiculous or when things that I would normally just let slide *really* make me angry. I also don't like bedtime rolling around and realizing that I've done nothing more than the basics all day. Add N being stressed out working 12+ hours a day, 7 days a week and pissy and we are not a very fun couple to be around right now.

:::sigh:::

Anyway. Bright side: Apparently my body is working normally. I'm off all medicine except a multivitamin and a probiotic and I'm having a 31-day cycle with a 14-day luteal phase. What the hell, right? Insane.

Have I mentioned the Love & Logic parenting method on here? If not, even if you don't have kids, I highly suggest you check it out. It is amazing and works well on spouses and everyone else you deal with as well. I swear, this stuff is the only reason I haven't lost all patience and gone off on someone today.

Off to drink my cup of chamomile tea and sleep. Tomorrow. New day.